Hospital

So yesterday I had the stitches out of my backside. Despite telling me the incision would be the shape of a tiny leaf, the skin doctor instead created a little Z for Zorro. Cute! Except teenage daughter tells me that No, it's the Harry Potter scar on my arse, so if Ralph Fiennes ever comes near me I will get extreme butt hurt. Hmm, looking forward to that one!

In unrelated news, today I am going into hospital. Surprise! I am surprised too, I have been on the wait list for ever and then, bang - I'm in. I've known about it for a few weeks, and today I am fasting until I admit myself in, later in the morning.  I am going in to have my abdominal wall repaired with some bionic mesh, and a couple of large hernias dealt with. I'm excited because I've always wanted a bionic stomach, and also dealing with this long standing issue means that eventually I will be able to do exercise like yoga, martial arts, jogging, and zumba. This is the medical problem that has held me back from boot camp and Tough Mudder, and I am very very happy to finally have it resolved.

I'm always scared going into an operation. I know it's for the best, and despite the long recovery time the benefits are well worth it, but still it is daunting going under the knife. This isn't keyhole surgery, they will be cutting along the same dotted line that they used for 3 cesarean sections, which is partly what got me into this mess in the first place. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying cesareans are bad, without them I'd be dead with no children, so there is that to consider. I'm just pointing out that they are partly to blame for separated stomach muscles that have ripped away from my pubic bone, leaving my stomach muscle to hang like a rotten fly-screen and allow my bowels to bulge through. (If this sounds painful, it is) The reason I am scared is that in the moment before I go under, after I am prepped and while I am being wheeled into surgery, I know, without a skerrick of doubt, that this is where I will die. I know that I will not wake up. I just know it. I know this because this is how I've felt in the few other surgeries where I've had a general anesthetic. I also know that I've been proved wrong every time I've had this feeling, but it won't stop me feeling this way at the time.

But no more chit chat about good times, onwards and upwards to improved health! To an increased range of pain free movement! To ninja training! To a strong core! To a bionic stomach!

Wish me luck, and fingers crossed for some good pre meds?

xx