Greetings from my local public hospital!
Like most post cards, you've received this way after I got home. I was discharged last Monday, which was a day or two after they thought I'd be out. There weren't exactly complications, I just don't think they expected my abdominal muscles to be so, well.. non existent. Instead of 1 large piece of bionic mesh or 2 small pieces, they used 2 large overlapping pieces, then kind of struggled to find viable muscle to stitch it to, so it's sort of attached all over. Which is all well and good, just bloody painful. (if none of this makes any sense,
go back and read this post)
But the big news is, I survived! I'm alive! I didn't even feel freaked out as I went under, and I would like to thank all your well wishes for making it possible. Mwah to you all!
Let me share some thoughts on what it is like to be in hospital, in case you are interested.
The food sucks.
I know, so obvious, but so, so true. The menu that you get has some alarming options, and then the quality of food when it arrives is appalling. There are no protein options for breakfast whatsoever. You may have cereal (sugar/equal optional) fruit, yogurt, bread, marmalade/jam/Vegemite. Yes, bread not toast - cold stale bread in a paper bag. Bizarre. Breakfast and Dinner options include a small variety of glop, with sad frozen vegetables and an ice-cream scoop of instant mashed potatoes. Strangely, there are about 4 salad options that all include grated carrot and an orange twist. Deserts are horrid. BIG shout out to Mr BC for sushi runs and twice daily deliveries of proper coffee. He is a legend.
Nurses are busy
Again, no shit Sherlock! I hear you. Being ungrateful to nurses is pretty much one of the worst things you can do in this country, but I can only talk about my own experiences. I have nothing but respect for our underpaid, over worked nurses, please don't get me wrong. But for a few days when I really needed major painkillers, the nurses gave me panadol and ibuprofen because they where too busy to turn the page in my charts and see that I had been prescribed Tramadol and Targin. This situation was only rectified after one nurse was fed up with my crying (actual tears, not just whinging) and called up the pharmacy team to discuss my pain meds with me, who then pointed out to the nurses that they needed to read all my notes and dispense the drugs I had been prescribed. It's hard to sympathize with health workers when you are literally writhing in agony.
Dinner Ladies are Nuts
I had just had a conversation with my surgeon, (who was head of general surgery and presumably knew his shit) who had explained why I was on a full diet when the dinner lady came in to tell me I couldn't have salad because lettuce wasn't suitable for someone who had just had surgery.
But! I said, pointing at the sign above my head that said Full Diet,
but my doctor just blah blah, my chart says blah blah. No! She was having none of it and would not give me any salad until a nurse called the kitchen. On my last day, I suddenly and inexplicably had DIET stamped on my menu, with marmalade circled and
1 only written next to it. They where still happy for me to carb load on fruit, cereal and bread though.
Other Patients are Strange
Clearly, I am just as strange as them, however..I was in a room with one other bed, and one night they bought in Desmond, who was in his mid 70's and had no idea of his home address or where he was. All the info was apparently on his chart, but he didn't know it. He had a catheter in, and kept taking it out, much to the nurses annoyance.
Des, you have to leave this in, OK? The tube goes into this bag, so you don't need to take it out to do a wee. Promise me you won't take it out? Oh, OK says Desmond, but the second they left the room he was in the loo taking it out. Every time. Poor old Des, he was a bit of a charmer.
Where is Yepoon? He asked one nurse.
I'm pretty sure that's up north, isn't it? No said Desmond.
It's on your table next to your knife and your fork. The nurse laughed and called in another nurse to hear Desmond's funny joke.
Tell Joan where Yepoon is, Des! Desmond looked at her vaguely and said
Huh? After the sixth time Des took his catheter out, they transferred him to the 'observation ward' which is where I think my next room mate should have gone..
Everyone is obsessed with your poo
Every medical professional who walked near me needed to know if I had opened my bowels. When I answered no they looked very dissapointed and inquired if there had been any gas, at least? They where super happy when the answer was finally yes, and said that all my pain would go away now. Um, no. Pretty sure the pain was from abdominal surgery. I get that painkillers cause constipation but I wasn't really that uncomfortable and as I said to the Doctor, it wasn't exactly a ticker tape parade when it finally happened.
It's good to be home
Mr BC has been an absolute champion, looking after the monkeys and keeping the home fires burning, although he did seem a bit surprised at the amount of laundry our house generates. Monkey Boy was happy to have me home and supervising the kitchen because
Dad didn't cook the pasta properly mum! He ruined the eggs, I had to spit them out! Such a tough critic, I can't imagine where he gets that from! It's great to be home having protein for breakfast and controlling my own meds, not arguing with nurses over when I should take my diabetes stuff, or with dinner ladies over fricking lettuce and marmalade. Mostly though it's great feeling comfortable in my own bed with my loved ones around me.
Thank you for your get well soons and healing thoughts!
xx