Day 7 Blog every day in May challenge - What am I most afraid of.
Well, we've already discussed clowns. I'm also a bit terrified of spiders, although I am learning to overcome that.
The thing that terrifies me the most, the thing that will give me a panic attack if I think about it too long? The thing that reduces me to horrified tears if I think about it for even a little moment?
The death of my children. It is every mother's worst nightmare.
When teenage daughter was born, she was 9 weeks premature and weighed just 3 pounds. My placenta had abrupted as a complication of pre eclampsia, resulting in an emergency Cesarean. It was a very scary and confusing time, but I remember thinking that if she somehow didn't make it, I would just have to follow her into the abyss, because there is no way I could continue to live if my baby didn't. Thankfully I didn't have to, and we both survived a pretty grim start.
My sentiment has changed slightly these days - I couldn't leave 2 children motherless to follow one into death. But the thought of losing any of them fills me with dread, and I am in awe of parents who endure this and manage to continue on. My great grandmother was still going well into her 90s, and outlived all 5 of her children. Although the majority of them lived long and fulfilling lives it would still be a terrible thing, to attend the funeral of your own child.
I cannot think of anything more terrifying, and I'm not sure I want to. I don't even want to think of this.
xx
Well, we've already discussed clowns. I'm also a bit terrified of spiders, although I am learning to overcome that.
The thing that terrifies me the most, the thing that will give me a panic attack if I think about it too long? The thing that reduces me to horrified tears if I think about it for even a little moment?
The death of my children. It is every mother's worst nightmare.
When teenage daughter was born, she was 9 weeks premature and weighed just 3 pounds. My placenta had abrupted as a complication of pre eclampsia, resulting in an emergency Cesarean. It was a very scary and confusing time, but I remember thinking that if she somehow didn't make it, I would just have to follow her into the abyss, because there is no way I could continue to live if my baby didn't. Thankfully I didn't have to, and we both survived a pretty grim start.
My sentiment has changed slightly these days - I couldn't leave 2 children motherless to follow one into death. But the thought of losing any of them fills me with dread, and I am in awe of parents who endure this and manage to continue on. My great grandmother was still going well into her 90s, and outlived all 5 of her children. Although the majority of them lived long and fulfilling lives it would still be a terrible thing, to attend the funeral of your own child.
I cannot think of anything more terrifying, and I'm not sure I want to. I don't even want to think of this.
xx
