I've been diabetic for a long time. Gestational diabetes first reared it's head when I was pregnant with The Teenager (who actually turns 21 this year) but I also had pre eclampsia and a few other more pressing concerns (abrupted placenta, anyone?) that sort of hogged the limelight. Anyway, it went away after my baby was born via emergency cesarean at 31 weeks. I had a lot to be preoccupied with.
11 years later I was pregnant with The Gentleman, and was sent along for the dreaded Glucose Test, the results of which showed that not only did I have gestational diabetes, I probably had undiagnosed full blown type 2 diabetes. And the test was right! I remained diabetic after my baby was born (via elective Cesarean at 39 weeks). Although this pregnancy and the next where an unpleasant routine of finger prick tests and needles, once I had my babies in my arms the needles where over, and I took insulin in tablets. Which is annoying, but fairly civilized.
I've tried to be reasonable about having diabetes. I have a love affair with food but I try to stick loosely to diabetic diet guidelines. I exercise a fair bit. I walk (fast) about 6 - 8 hours a week. I have some extra kilos that are stupidly hard to move, but I persevere with living my life the best I can, like anyone else. I keep my doctors appointments and I don't skip my medication. This is clearly not enough.
I understand the connection between being overweight and having diabetes, I'm not an idiot. I know I am overweight, and mostly have been for the majority of my life. I have many, many relatives with diabetes, going back a few generations, and this substantially increases your risks of developing diabetes type 2. Knowing this, and despite my best efforts, I still haven't managed to lose the extra weight. I've never been above a size 18, but even if I had been, I don't deserve diabetes. No one does.
A few years ago my doctor told me to start taking insulin via a needle, once a day, as well as the handful of tablets I am taking as a before bed snack. I mourned a bit but got on with it. Yesterday, despite my
best clearly not good enough efforts to be reasonably healthy, she prescribed some more. Now, I need to take an insulin injection at every meal, as well as the before bed one. I also need to do finger prick tests 6 times a day.
This just fucking sucks. I know it is what my body needs, I get that managing a chronic disease means taking ongoing treatment that might be unpleasant and uncomfortable, and I
KNOW that things could be so much worse. I know that becoming a pin cushion is comparatively easy compared to many other far worse things. I know there are people dying of all manner of nasty diseases, I know that there are children starving in third world countries and here I am whinging like the privileged first world girl that I am. With my first world medical issue, in a first world epidemic.
Forgive me, but it still fucking sucks.
It's just a few needles, right? It's just managing my diet (
what I eat,
when I eat,
when I inject) The alternative is maybe having my legs amputated in a decade or so. Maybe I might not get to see my grandchildren, because if I have not died an early death, I might be blind. So obviously there is no choice to be considered.
Diabetes type 2 is apparently one of the dangers of the 'obesity epidemic'. The problem with this popular media headline is that it kinda feels like a judgement call on fat people, that somehow they deserve diabetes and they only have themselves to blame. If you think this is true, please go and fuck yourself. Not all overweight people develop diabetes.There are lots of people with diabetes type 2 that are considerable
not overweight. Obviously this is not me. But please don't tell me I deserve to have diabetes, because I might rip you a new one.
xx
(linking to
FYBF)