Thursday, August 26, 2010

Who knew one of my kidneys is Jack Black's mini me?


More hospital photography at night on my mobile phone. Pardon my flash.

Passive Aggressive Notes written in Troll






Please excuse the quality of these photos, they where taken at night under hospital lighting, with my mobile phone. Those Trolls are goddamn everywhere!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Wine, it's so medicinal.

My Dad has been sick for ages with all manner of very serious & mysterious illnesses & last week they finally stopped looking up his bum to say "Yep, thats a malignant tumor".


TUMOR.

My Dad. My Dad. Has Cancer?? MY Dad?

I must be in denial, because I still don't think he has cancer, he just had a malignant tumor that needed to be removed. And now it has been. So there. Fuck off, Senor Cancer, you have no power here. Good bye, the end. Denial, me?


On Sunday I flew to Sydney where my sister Cheryl Ann picked me up & drove us both to Canberra, where Dad had already checked in to hospital to prepare for surgery.

Scary scary scary scary stuff.

It was an emotional time. Especially emotional was the day of the surgery. He was in surgery for almost 7 hours, & in recovery for almost the same amount of time. A long long day of being shit scared & not really knowing what was going on. A long day of trying not to inadvertantly revive all the long repressed dynamics of family behaviour.

Kissing Dad goodbye as he went into surgery was excrutiating, because it felt like kissing him goodbye for ever. Seeing him emerge at the other end was terrifying, because he looked like he might be close to death.

We read a stack of magazines, one of which contained a craft project that my mother wanted so badly, she bullied me into ripping it out of the magazine for her. And then told everyone, loudly, that I had ripped some pages out of a magazine. I adore glossy magazines, they are my passion. She's so mean. I'm calling her Fagin. She also harrassed me about pocketing some sachets of jam, but seemed happy enough to eat them on toast for breakfast the next morning. Hmmmmmmmm. Worry will do that to you.

We stayed at the troll run Hospital Residences, which is quite a rundown 10 story building full of bedsits, with a communal kitchen, bathroom, lounge & laundry on each floor. Stains on the carpet, holes in the wall. A bin outside every door. Passive Aggressive notices everywhere, written in Troll. Everything smelling faintly of ciggarette smoke - the sheets, the air. We couldn't close the window, which is lucky, because we couldn't turn the heater off.

And haunted! Sometimes in the moments between awake & unconcious I feel a hand on my forehead or hear my name being called, I've experienced this since childhood. In this room I felt a new hand on my forehead. It politely stopped when I told it to go away. I'm so glad I don't actually see ghosts, it would drive me nuts. Especially in a hospital. The She Troll at reception was quite aggravating enough.

In one sitting room a patient came in & sat down, invading our space & then filling up the awkward silence with prattle about himself. He claimed that the light bothered him so he needed to sit between my mother & I, so his back was to the window. He looked like the Wolf Man; giant fuzzy muttonchop whiskers with a bald chin, extremely long dirty finger nails & toe nails. No shoes. Maybe he was the Wolf Man, who knows? After a while Cheryl Ann got hysterical giggles & had to leave the room, so I left Fagin with the Wolf Man to make sure my sister was alright/giggle with her in the hall. Then cry because our father might be dying.

Hospitals are full of strange people. The 92 year old in the bed next to Dad's asked the asian docter what country he came from. "China origionaly, but I'm Dinky Di Aussie now!" he says with pride. The old guy snorts. "You dont look it" he says, clutching his space blanket.

Fagin complains to the woman working at Bitch Face Cafe "I just ordered a roast pork dinner & you didn't give me any crackling!" This is tantamount to assault with grievious bodily harm; Fagin adores crackling, even though she once broke a tooth on some. "Well you should have asked for it!" huffs Bitch Face. I am ordering sushi the next day. (same cafe, different Bitch Face) "Can I have that box there please? No. Not that box, that box" Bitch Face is annoyed. "They are all the same!" She snaps. No they fucking are not, lady.

We sit in one waiting room for so long that it starts to feel like home. While I leave to go to the toilet, a man sits in my chair but then gets up to go outside for a durry. (Look I didn't say they where bogans did I?) So when he returns I am sitting in 'his' chair. Cheryl Ann giggles nervously. "They are eyeballing you! They are going to fight you for that chair!" she says quietly. I turn to her & say loudly enough for them to hear "Bring it."

Later that night, after Dad has emerged from the bowels of the hospital extremely sore & tired but amazingly not beaten, we leave him to go out to dinner with some good friends of my parents, who have also driven down from Sydney. The Bitch Face Cafe has closed, & there is nothing available to eat within the hospital grounds. Fagin says she will have a cupasoup & toast in her room, but in all honesty its been an exhausting day & I need a proper dinner. Also I am diabetic, & can't actually go without dinner unless I want to have a hypo in the early hours of the morning. Still, Fagin resists. Finally, we go & find a thai restaurant that is open; it is surprisingly cheap, & very nice. We order. Cheryl starts coughing. Alot. She can't stop. I look up & she is crying. "I can't breathe." she says & runs outside into the rain. After breathing into a paper bag for awhile & then having a glass of wine, she is better.

Honestly, some people.

Worry & stress brings out the worst in people, especially familys, especially us. It's so nice to be home in the relative calm of chez Chaos, hugging my monkeys & Mr BC.

Tightly.

Mrs BC

xx

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Riddle me this, weather man.

Our neighbour's 45 year old teenager is so scary to look at, Mr BC has christened him 'Cape Fear'. No, not to his face for god's sake!! I threatened to call the police on him last month; I know his mother doesn't want me to but I needed to make him stop trying to hit her with a metal pole, & that did the trick. He swears ALOT, very LOUDLY, at his mother. (actually he hasn't at all since I threatened to call the police) He has other creepy looking friends around & the occasional silly young blonde (they don't stay long) & revs motor bikes LOUDLY, much to the Gentlemans delight. His music is VERY LOUD. But (here is the riddle)...his music is lame! He plays easy listening, R & B sorta disco top 40 music, but LOUDLY. What the hell is he doing, some sort of scary Cape Fear Jazzercise?

It rains for 2 days, yet the dog smells for 2 weeks. Very badly. Despite being washed.
This seems disproportional.

The whole concept of silver linings has me a bit flummoxed lately.
  • Remember how freakin awesome I thought it was to teach Monkey Boy how to use the vacuum cleaner? Well, now the vacuum cleaner is in 3 easy pieces. Where is the silver lining in that? Not being able to vacuum anymore? Let's think that one through..
  • The coffee machine broke!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo! The horror, people, the horror! Well, actually we have been forced to use the stove top esspresso maker, which actually makes better coffee, so maybe that lining is a bit silver.
  • I have been very excited lately, planning a backyard chicken coop (front yard actually, integrated with the landscaping) but have found out that the local council doesn't allow chickens in this region. Boo, you whores! Silver lining this!
Gosh, that was a bit of hysterical exclamation pointing there. Sorry people.
I feel cleansed.
Mrs BC
xx

Ahhhhhh the Serenity


I have been walking alot lately, well...more than usual. I've been aiming for 4 times a week, about an hour each time. It's lovely because not only am I feeling better physically; it is calming to the headspace area, which normally smacks of chaos. It helps that I walk along beautiful Moreton Bay, where the sound of the sea is so soothing. I've been thinking of joining a yoga class that practises right by the sea, & this morning I came apon that class, yogaring peacefully under a tree. I think I'll be starting next week..

Monday, August 2, 2010

Weekly Menu Aug 2010 week 1

Every week, I do a dinner menu for the Chaos Household. Planning ahead in this way means that I can shop more efficiently & therefore more economically; it takes the brain power effort out of the daily "WTF do I cook for dinner?" (because sometimes my brain has no power for that); & lastly it helps control the Chaos tribe because if they can see we are having Mexican for dinner on Friday night they dont have to ask me every day "When are we having Mexican?". The menu isn't set in stone, quite often things are tweaked or changed completely to allow for a fabulous & unexpected windfall of something seasonal, or the dire need for chinese takeaway & a glass of wine NOW. It's also useful to look back on past weeks for inspiration.
I wasnt going to post this because I thought it would be too boring but it seems I am asked alot in the real world what I am cooking for dinner, so it stands to reason that the virtual world might also be interested..
  • Sunday - Asian noodle salad with bang bang chicken. This was delicious, although the amount of fibre in the salad may have had some unexpected results for Mr BC.
  • Monday - Chicken Parmagiana (Vegetarian Option: Quorn Patty Parmagiana) with steamed pumpkin & green beans.
  • Tuesday - Osso Bucco with garlic mashed potatoes. (V.O: ricotta canelonni from freezer)
  • Wednesday - Pasta Bake with bolognaise, capsicum, cheese & olives. (V.O: same thing but sauce made without meat. Yes, that means I am making 2 sauces) This might need a side salad...
  • Thursday - BBQ Turkey Rissoles (V.O: BBQ Quorn Patty) with stoved potatoes & zucchini/onion hash.
  • Friday - Refried Bean Quesadilla's with fresh salsa (& sour cream, mmm), mexican rice & salad.
  • Saturday - Vegetable & lentil soup with nice bread.
  • Sunday - Something inspired by our fabulous local farmers market.

So there you have it. In case you hadn't guessed, Teenage Daughter is the Vegetarian Option. (I respect her choice, but as the cook & bottle washer I sometimes want to say 'Damn her love of animals!') If you would like the recipe for anything, please feel free to leave a comment & I will be happy to oblige. What are you cooking for dinner?

Bon Appetite!

Mrs BC

xx

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Overheard in the Chaos Household...

"What do you call those almond shaped nuts? Oh....duh. They're almonds" Teenage Daughter.

"Meeeaaaaat? Hellllloooooooo Meeeeaaaaaat? Where AAARRREEEE yoooooouuuu?" Monkey Boy yelling at his dinner plate.

"Mum, can you please turn on the TV? I won't cut up your shoes." The Gentleman.

These also from the Gentleman;
"Animals are good. You CAN eat them. But not beavers, they will scratch your face & just hit you with their tails" and;

"No, Mum, you aren't cool. You're lovely. And beautiful, like a rainbow. But not cool."

Hmmmmmmmmm.
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