Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Chaos Notes

Do you like that title? Sort of makes it feel like Top Secret Notes from Maxwell Smart's arch nemesis, except.......not really.
  1. If you have a secret to make children go to sleep, & then sleep in their own beds, then please please PLEASE send it to me, I beg of you. I dont know how these 2 boys get through their day.....what was I saying? Please slap my face & wake me up, of course I know how they get through their day. They are well rested from sleeping in my bed all night.
  2. Mr BC & I are installing another shed in our back yard. Just a small one, nestled up to the slightly larger one. It will be filled with all of the bulky stuff that takes up all the room in the 'study'; life jackets, camping chairs, plastic outdoor chairs in case we have lots of people around. We poured the slab on Sunday morning. My job was 'Pitchfork Agitator". True. I was very good.
  3. My favourite red woollen overcoat has been ravaged by moths. I am heartbroken, I love that overcoat so much, I'm in mourning. I can't bring myself to throw it away. I'm thinking of using whatever delightful red wooliness that is unsullied for some craft ideas I have mentally filed away, for when there is room to swing a cat (or a sewing machine) in the 'study'.
  4. Oh, I want that shed up & ready for action tommorow!
  5. The other day, I tripped & fell on the footpath. No, I didnt break a hip, I'm not 80, just clumsy. There was a dip in the level between the footpath & the grass that caught my foot. Anyway.... it was one of those big, theatrical giant ungainly staggering while your arms windmill wildly falls, that ended with me lying on my back, shoes flung far, everything thrown from my handbag, mouth agape while my stricken teenage daughter gasps "Oh my god are you alright???" You know, the kind of fall you should sell tickets to. I was fine, but here is my point; there was a jogger right there at the very moment I fell, who looked right at me & didn't stop. Kept jogging. Made eye contact. Didnt break his stride. This was a fairly upmarket area of Brisbane called New Farm, full of stately homes & beautiful gardens, & frankly I don't care. What an arsehole.
  6. This Thursday, The Gentleman is going on his first ever school excursion. His class is going to a farm where they can milk a cow, feed a baby goat, shear a sheep, & enjoy a bumpy tractor ride. He is fairly excited, but not excited as all of the mothers in this class. The permission slip noted that 'parents are welcome to attend, however they will have to make thier own way there'. It's probably a 90 minute drive each way. Every single mother, a few fathers, & even a couple of grandparents are all carpooling. I love this school, & this class.
  7. Today I attempted to make choc chip ANZAC biscuits, but the choc chips melted to make them chocolate ANZAC biscuits. Happy accident? hmmm.
  8. Today I found out the 'Party House' 3 houses down is for sale. Yay!! Perhaps it will now become the 'Model Neighbour' house instead. The 'lets turn off the lights & go to bed early' house. Hope so!
  9. Tommorow is my day off, & boy am I looking forward to it. No children or husband in the house, just me, all alone, to do what I want. *Sigh* I will start by going for a walk, then having some sushi for lunch (with a diet coke I can drink all by myself. What luxury) And then? A nap? Some blog time? Shoe shopping?

I'll let you know.

Mrs BC


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm NOT Paranoid!!

Our Dog is lovely. He has been a faithful & much valued member of the Chaos houshold for almost 13 years.

As he gets older, there have been some changes.

His mobility has decreased due to painful old dog hips. He has trouble going up & down stairs. He can no longer frolic on the beach or go for long walks. He can't exactly squat anymore, so going to the toilet for him is a bit like Dog Lotto, it just randomly plops out.

And he is starting to smell. Bad. Cheesy wet dog bad.

These changes are to be expected - he is pretty old for a dog, & we all still love him. But, his previous happy personality is starting to change. He is starting to get ....Snarky.

When I am attending to the daily mountains of laundry this family produces, I walk out of the laundry door, put the basket down on a table, & scan the lawn for dog poo. If there is poo, I get a bag & pick it up, then put it in the bin. I dont wan't to treading in dog crap while I'm putting laundry on the line, right?

While this is going on, the Dog is asleep, in his bed, in the sun, on the other side of the house.

So I'm putting clothes on the line, maybe stopping to return to the laundry or answer the phone, etc. After a while I notice that I have trodden in dog crap. How did this happen, when the Dog is still apparently asleep & unmoved from the front of the house? I must have missed the poo, when I was looking for it. Inneficient scanning..probably.

Thats what I thought the first few times, but this has now happened more than 6 times; and I have reached the conclusion that the bastard dog is waiting for me to be distracted, then runs sneakily around the house to lay a dog turd right in between the basket of clothes & the clothes line, then high tails it around the house & pretends to be asleep, laughing into his paws the whole time.

The worst part is that no one believes that the bastard dog is doing this on purpose. Mr BC & Cheryl say I'm paranoid, but I'm not. I know a smug canine when I see one.

I'd like to show you a better photo, but Happy Dog was laughing too much to keep his head still. It was a private moment.

Subtitles Please

I love the 2 year old to bits, but damned if I can undersand what he is saying sometimes.

It frustrates him more than me, I think.

30 minutes of frustration for both of us while he whinges constantly/begs earnestly for "Whongs".

WTF???? WHONGS, Mummy! Don't you get it, Der Brain???? Whongs????????

Finally, he takes his boots off & points to the space between his first 2 toes. A lightbulb goes on above my head.

"Oh you mean THONGS!"

Beaming, his relief is palpable.

Earlier today, he was very vocal about needing "Gun Gusters", which eventually turned out to be "Sun Glasses".

But then this afternoon, "Gun Gusters' became "Jam Cutters" but kept the same meaning.

His dialect is changing before my eyes. Someone get me a Babel Fish.

Friday, June 4, 2010

5 fun facts about Teenage Daughter

This is Teenage Daughter. I'll protect her identity by not giving you her real name - she might not like everyone to know that she comes from a house of chaos.

5 Fun Facts about Teenage Daughter
  1. She is beautiful, inside & out. She will try & tell you differently, but anyone can tell. She shines a full spectrum of beauty from within.

  2. She loves anime & manga. She is very talented at drawing, & I think if she tried other mediums she would be just as talented; she's very creative, & can be extremely articulate.

  3. She can read a book a night, easy.

  4. When she was little she loved the movie of Cats, & wanted to be Xena, Warrior Princess. Now she aspires to be a crazy cat lady, & her inner Xena is still in there, somewhere.

  5. Sometimes its hard to spread your wings & fly out of girlhood into being an adult, but this girl tries so hard every day. Look at her flying!!

Now that I've embarrassed her enough, I'll go pick on someone else. Stay tuned for posts about my husbands eyebrows.

Mrs BC


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